Can you relate to this?...

One of the most powerful moments in last weekend's rally against gun violence in Washington was the six-minute silence that was part of Emma Gonzalez's speech.

Her silence was unexpected. 

Her silence was loud. 

Her silence was powerful. 

What her silence did was send a ripple of emotion throughout our country. Time slowed down. We were able to think, reflect, feel. Her silence united us in a common cause. 

Silence can indeed be louder than words. If you are one of those who has experienced being "ghosted" by someone,  you know how painful silence can be. This is an ineffective use of silence that ultimately hurts people. It's the dark side of silence. 

Silence can be a powerful tool when used intentionally, for good. But for most of us, silence is a source of anxiety. 

In our age of addiction to our devices and other sources fighting for our constant attention, silence has become a source of discomfort for many. 

Do you wonder if you have difficulty with silence? Take this simple test. 

Close your eyes and sit for twenty minutes without doing a thing. 

Then watch what happens. 

Notice how you feel. Notice what you think. Notice what comes up for you. Are you feeling uneasy? Is it hard to escape the chatter in your mind? 

For some, silence can feel like torture. 

That's because silence forces us to look at the things we like to avoid. 

The noise outside us can cause us problems, but the louder noise that is harder to quiet is the noise inside us. The constant thoughts that begin from the moment we wake up until we fall asleep. The constant chatter and nonsense we allow to affect our well being. We spend so much time worrying about the future that we forget to be present and enjoy our life to its fullest. 

Our inner noise takes us away from noticing the beauty of what life has to offer. Amidst the bad news we get exposed to every day and the negative thoughts and worries that consume our head, it's easy for us to fall into a trap of anxiety, depression, and stress.

I often invite my clients to begin our coaching sessions with a few moments of silence so we can enter a space of reflection and tune our energy to each other like musicians in an orchestra who tune their instruments with each other to create a beautiful harmony. The silence opens up space for what really matters to rise to the surface. 

Silence also opens a space for new ideas. In a recent HBR article, David Rock and Josh Davis explain that “aha moments that spark brilliant, unexpected solutions tend to crop up when our minds are quiet.” Often when I feel stuck working on a project or have a problem I need to solve, taking a silent walk in nature helps me clear my head and bring up new ideas or solutions. 

Quieting our minds (aka meditation) is one of the most effective practices we can engage in for achieving a well-balanced life. As creative people, as leaders, we must realize that unless we allow silence to exist in our daily life, the price we pay can result in feeling burnt out and out of balance. 

The reality of our lives is that distractions aren't going to go away anytime soon. We depend on our smartphones and other devices for our work and entertainment. It's up to us to create the self-discipline around creating silence and choose to step away from the noise in a conscious way. 

Silence slows us down to be able to reflect on what really matters. 

Thank you, Emma Gomez, for reminding us what we can gain by allowing silence to be a trusted friend. 

 Everything happens for me.

Just when you think everything is going ok, just when you feel like your life is on track, something out of the blue can turn everything upside down. 

That's what happened to me a couple of months ago. 

On a cold Friday afternoon, just a few days after the new year made its mark, I stopped to check my mail on my way out to dinner with friends to discover a letter from a law firm waiting for me in my mailbox. That's never a good sign. I opened the envelope as I walked towards my car to discover an eviction notice from my landlord. 

"Your lease will expire in two months and we have chosen not to renew it" read the letter without any explanation or reason why. 

I was shocked. And furious. 

I stood there in my parking garage, reading the words on the page in disbelief, feeling a wide range of emotions overtake me. The thought of moving out seemed daunting. It had taken me months to settle into my apartment and now I have to move. Again. 

The feelings of anger were mixed with a touch of victimness. How could this happen to me? I've been a model tenant and with no reason, I was being forced to leave. 

My instinct was to fight this decision. I stayed up all night reading every web page relating to tenants rights, searching for local attorneys I could hire and plan my next move against this injustice. 

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. 

The next morning, I decided to go out for a hike. Walking in nature helps me reflect. I took myself to my favorite hiking trail at the bottom of the Hollywood sign, water bottle in hand, and began to walk up the hill.  It was early on a Saturday with no one else around. Just me, fresh crisp air and a gorgeous sun to light my way.

Years ago, during my Jewish spiritual direction training, I was taught to go out in nature and talk to God. According to Jewish tradition, this practice, called HITBODEDUT (in Hebrew, means "being alone with") allows us to speak our truth out loud into the universe. And when we allow ourselves to hear ourselves speak our truth, we create an opening to hear our soul's voice. 

This voice may be a new thought that has never appeared before. It could be an intuitive gut feeling that will help us get an answer to a problem we are facing. 

When I first practiced HITBODEDUT I felt totally awkward. Here I was walking by myself talking to no one and looking for answers to my life's biggest challenges. But to my surprise, the practice was a powerful one. I found myself receiving ideas and thoughts that surprised me. I would return from these walks feeling calm, energized and at peace.   

I walked up the hiking trail, still feeling frustrated and angry, carrying the sense of the unfairness of what I was facing. I got to the top of the hill and shouted out "why is this happening to me?".

I stood there and as soon as the echo of my scream faded away I suddenly heard "Everything happens for you, not to you". 

This new thought emerged out of nowhere and was louder than any other thought occupying my mind that morning. 

"Everything happens for you, not to you."

Now it was the only thing I was thinking.  And the more I thought this, the calmer I felt. 

 If things are indeed happening for me, then what am I not seeing in this situation that I need to see?

As soon as I asked myself this question I began to reflect on my life and my year in Los Angeles so far. Something I haven't taken the time to ask myself so far. The more I reflected the more I realized that actually, I haven't been happy or fulfilled living in LA since returning from my two-year travel sabbatical. 

Yes, LA was a familiar place. A place where I grew up, a place where I had many friends and family, a place that allowed me to professionally thrive. But when I listened to my heart, I realized that I've outgrown the big city and that my soul was seeking a quieter space to nest in. 

I stood there at the top of the hill, Hollywood sign behind me, the entire city at my feet and realized that it was time for me to move on. 

It took an eviction notice to wake me up and realize I am living in the wrong place. That I've outgrown living around so much concrete, traffic, and noise and that my soul is asking for a change. 

My feelings of anger and victimness immediately disappeared and turned into deep gratitude. I sensed a wide opening of possibility and creation, a feeling that energized and motivated me. 

As I walked back down the trail, I felt calm, connected and empowered. 

"Where do I want to live?" was the question on my mind now. 

I didn't have to think about it too much. All I had to do is listen to my soul that said: "Go to the desert, to the big sky, where you belong". 

And so I did. 

I decided to move to Santa Fe, New Mexico where I can devote more time to my art and my writing as well as begin to take steps towards fulfilling a dream of opening my own retreat center. 

From the moment I made the decision to move, everything fell into place like magic. The move was smooth, easy and with no glitches. 

It's now been two weeks since I've arrived in Santa Fe. And it's absolutely gorgeous here. I rented a small house where I wake up every day to the sound of birds singing and gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. 

It's quiet. And peaceful. And serene. And I'm feeling more focused than ever before. I'm creating a life that is aligned with my soul. And I'm excited to share what's next with you. 

Things do always happen for me. 

Indeed. 

The cycle of love.

For many people, Valentine’s Day can be a pretty stressful day.

If you happen to be coupled, the social pressure of acknowledging your love for each other can easily become filled with expectations and disappointments. And if you happen to be single, Valentine’s Day can be a loud reminder of your loneliness.

Either way, it seems to me that for a day that’s supposed to be all about celebrating love, the people who get the most value out of the day are florists, chocolatiers, and greeting card makers.

Valentine’s Day shouldn’t become a day we dread. It shouldn’t be a day filled with pressure, anxiety and depression. Remember, it’s about celebrating LOVE. Love in all its forms.

Our world is in trouble. And not from all the bad things we hear on the news these days. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, about 18% of the population suffer from depression related illnesses every year. We are in trouble because so many of us feel lonely and depressed and we aren’t willing to admit it or talk openly about it.

For some people, depression is a result of a chemical imbalance, and thankfully, there are drugs available to treat that, but for the rest of us who walk through life feeling unfulfilled, disconnected or depressed, drugs aren’t the answer.

The answer is Love.

Only love can cure loneliness and depression. But the problem is that we seek to receive love from outside of ourselves and become dependent on people, places and things to experience love.

We seek more “likes”, we crave attention, we say yes when we mean no, we people please, all for the sake of feeling love.

But that’s not real love. That’s a temporary fleeting illusion of love that leaves us empty and hollow.

To bring more love into your life the first step is to examine how loving are you with yourself? What is your relationship with you like? If your life is filled with worry, anxiety, self-doubt or lack of self-confidence, chances are that you are not doing such a great job in loving yourself.

People who truly love themselves are naturally confident. And not in a cocky, narcissistic way. They possess the kind of confidence that generates a strong belief in self and that results in access to courage and creativity.

The more you love yourself, the more you will believe in yourself. And the more you love yourself, the less you will listen to your fears.

Someone once told me that fear is a terrible consultant. So why do we keep listening to fear? Why is it so hard for us to stop believing our fears and simply trust love?

That’s because trusting love requires courage and faith. Fear doesn’t. Fear, when unchecked, feeds on itself and grows like an uncontrolled virus. Fear keeps us small and stuck in our wishes and hopes. Fear, when in charge, feeds our anxieties and depressions and worst of all, it drowns out love.

I’d like to suggest that this Valentine’s Day, you begin to bring some attention to the way you love yourself. Stop waiting for love to come from other people. No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.

I know that loving ourselves is much easier said than done. But it’s so worth it because when we love ourselves we kickstart the cycle of love.

The cycle of love, if you're wondering, is the idea that once we love ourselves, we are then capable of being loved, and then are capable of loving others, which makes us love ourselves even more.

But something else happens that is a beautiful side effect. Things in our life begin to flow better. Our value of ourselves increases to the point of influencing the choices we make in our personal and professional lives. We begin to attract the kind of people who value who we are and what we do.

When we love ourselves, we value ourselves, and when we value ourselves, we make different choices in every area of our life. We don’t compromise who we are and are able to say no without fear.

So, how is it done? How do you bring more love into your life? You practice. Because if you want to be good at anything, you must practice. And this Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse to start.

One of my favorite self-love practices is taking myself on artist dates. The Artist Date, according to Julia Camron’s Artist Way book, is the idea of making time for yourself, once a week, on your own, to do something 'enchanting'. To play, have fun, or do something that nourishes you.

I take myself to the theatre (you’ll always get a great seat buying one ticket!), or a movie matinee, or a museum visit, or a used bookstore where I can spend hours looking for old books I can cut up and use in my collages. Get the idea?

Your first Artist Date may have all the awkwardness of a first date. But don’t give up. Give this process a chance. Go on at least four consecutive weekly dates and notice what happens. You may find that you are starting to feel more fired up about your life, more interested in new things and feeling more inspired and creative overall.

My wish for you is that you fall madly in love with YOU so that you may experience love in everything you do.

May this Valentine’s Day be the day you kickstart a new cycle of love. And may this day be a new step towards bringing more love into your life.  

"Love Yourself" art by Lim Heng 

 Happy Solstice.

Solstice speaks that change prevails.
Dark alters Light -
Day into Night -
Inhale to Exhale.
Nothing remains.
Travail may vanish with the rising sun as
Living dances with Itself.

Solstice honors Darkness-time -
lying fallow, growing still –
Reflecting. Welcoming
shames and doubts and judgments home.
These are the things that give us Soul.

Solstice glorifies the Light.
When Night seems deepest and so long,
we wonder of the flame’s return.
It burns so dimly –
offering little warmth or peace
but, know the ember smolders strong –
waiting for the breath of Faith to set it blazing
bright enough to light our way.

Solstice celebrates the Future.
As the trees release their leaves,
the earthly manger cradling her seeds,
we surrender habits, fears
and we forgive -
creating room for New Life in the coming year.

Poem and painting by Kat Sawyer, Santa Fe, New Mexico
Author of Voices from the Mat - Yoga Poems and Meditations